There’s a quandary often discussed in the self-improvement world: “Should I keep trying to change, or should I just learn to love myself?” Many people posing this question feel terrible about themselves and assume that’s normal. It isn’t. In fact, this whole “self-love vs. self-improvement” debate is a false dilemma, misunderstanding the true role of self-love.

This mindset equates loving yourself with thinking you’re fine just the way you are. It treats self-love as a reward for becoming the person you want to be, assuming that your self-regard should be based on being objectively “good.” Conversely, it equates wanting to change with disliking yourself. But is this true for your love of others?

If you love someone, surely you want the best for them. You want them to be healthy, happy, and successful. If you have children, you want them to do well in school. If a friend is unhappy with their life, you want their life to change so they’ll be happy.

In the New Testament, Jesus commands us to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). This implies that self-love is not just acceptable but essential. It’s about valuing yourself enough to seek the best for you, just as you would for others. Additionally, Jesus teaches us to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind” (Matthew 22:37). This love for God compels us to live according to His teachings and strive to be better, reflecting His love through our actions.

St. Augustine, a prominent Christian figure, emphasized the importance of self-love in the context of loving God: “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” His teachings suggest that loving oneself rightly leads to a deeper love for God and others.

Mother Teresa, known for her selfless service, also highlighted the connection between self-love and serving others. She said, “Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do… but how much love we put in that action.” This implies that genuine self-improvement and service stem from a place of love, both for oneself and for others.

Apply the same standards to yourself that you do to others—love yourself the way you love your friends and family. Decide to be better because you deserve better; because you love yourself and want to enable yourself to live your ideal life. When you love yourself in a Christ-like manner, it becomes a foundation for self-improvement. You strive to improve not out of self-loathing but from a place of love and a desire to fulfill your God-given potential.

C.S. Lewis, another esteemed Christian thinker, said, “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” His words remind us that self-improvement is a lifelong journey rooted in the love and grace we receive from God.

By embracing both self-love and self-improvement, you align with Christ’s commandments and work towards a life that honors Him and yourself. Love yourself enough to strive for improvement, knowing that this journey is a reflection of the divine love within you.